polemical | open post

[If she ever wants to see him go roughly the same color as his hair teasing him about jerking off is the most surefire way to do it. So it's probably for the best that she doesn't at the moment.

He makes a strangled little noise at the question all the same.] Oh god no, that's the fastest way to get myself shipped off to, I don't know, seminary school or something. Even if I somehow managed to clean up she'd still know.

[He shakes his head] Even if by some miracle Jeremy didn't tell her, dad's still home anyway, he just... [His brow creases a little] He doesn't care much, wouldn't put a stop to a party, but wouldn't catch any of the fallout, either.

[ She laughs, maybe a little too loud, leaning in to jostle his shoulder a little. ] You don't want to be a priest or whatever? Why not?

[ Apart from all the usual reasons why not, but Eddie's trying to be conscious of the fact that their wants and needs in life are probably vastly different. Maybe Chris would like to go to seminary or something. If he wasn't forced.

She sighs. ] I forgot about your dad. [ Which she realizes sounds bad as soon as she said it, but it's too late to take back now, so she bumps his shoulder again. ] Bummer, dude.

[He can't help but smile a little at that follow-up] Yeah, it's alright, I forget about him sometimes, too.

[He shakes his head] But no, I definitely don't want to be a priest or whatever, everybody talks about it being a calling and I've never felt called. Also I just don't think I'm cut out to lead people like that, either, just thinking about it makes me kind of queasy, actually?

[There's that head shake again before he drags a hand through his hair] There's more to it than that, but I don't even think I can explain it to myself, forget trying to explain it to someone else.

I think I would be a great priest, [ she says, laughing lightly. She's great at talking in front of crowds, spinning tall tales to keep them interested, has definitely felt called to do the things she does. If being a priest involved less god stuff and more fun stuff, she'd be great at it. ]

What do you want to do? You know, after graduation?

[ Eddie's got no fucking idea what she wants to do. She's pretty sure she won't graduate, again, but that's way too depressing to talk about, so she's not going to even think about it. ]

For what it's worth, I think you would too. [He shrugs] I mean, if you were actually religious, obviously. And could find a congregation that was okay with a woman pastor.

[He doesn't think he needs to explain, but he's going to anyway if only to buy himself a little bit of time before he actually has to answer the question she asked] I've seen you spin up stories for that gang of misfits of yours, keeps them engaged, which is like, a really important part of doing an sermon? Can't tell you the number of visiting pastors we've had that were just boring, but have to be polite and tell them I enjoyed the sermon anyway, even if I would have rather had a root canal.

[A heavy sigh as he rolls his head to face her more fully] As far as what I want to do? No idea. I like track, but I don't think I can actually make a career out of that, you know?

I already got a congregation, [ she boasts, even though she really doubts that her collection of weirdo nerds can count as a congregation. But Chris is right, she's very good at keeping her friends engrossed. If that's all it took to lead a sermon, she'd make a killing as a traveling priest.

She tries to think about it, but Eddie hasn't gone to church since at some time in elementary school, way before she came to live with Wayne. She's certainly never been to the same church that Chris goes to, the one that Jason Carver and all of his buddies attend. It sounds like a real fucking drag, to be honest. All fire and brimstone and not in the fun way, either.

She hums a little, picking at the label of her beer. ] Running? Nah, I don't think so. I mean, you're fast, but are you like Olympic-level fast? [ She's genuinely asking. She has no idea how fast you have to be to be a professional runner. ]

Maybe college ride fast, but probably not Olympics-fast. But I don't even know, honestly. [He scratches his jaw, considering] Marathons are a possibility, you can get sponsorship money from those, but I think I'd need to do like, state qualifications first.

[He shakes his head] My best bet is to get a gimmick, like Plennie Wingo, he's the guy who walked backwards from California to, um, Turkey? I think? Istanbul, yeah, that's Turkey, back in the thirties.

[Sure, Eddie's some kind of nerd in general, but apparently Chris has some very specific facets to his nerdery.]

[ The thing is, she obviously has no idea what the fuck he's talking about, but there's nothing Eddie loves more than listening to someone ramble about something they love, so hearing Chris talk about whoever the fuck that runner is makes interest gleam in her eyes and she angles herself towards him so she can watch him as he speaks. ]

What the actual fuck, man. How did he walk across the ocean?

[ It seems to her like taking a plane would be cheating, right? ]

[He knuckles the corner of an eye] You know, I think I said that backwards? Doesn't matter, walked from Texas to Boston, then from there he got on a boat, I don't know if he walked backwards on the boat or what, but I think he was working, ended up in, um, Germany? I think. Walked backwards from there to Turkey, and that's when the local authorities were like 'you can't do that, someone's going to kill you'

[He's smiling now, hard to say if it's because of the story itself or because he barely even needed any prompting to launch into it, especially from her] I don't remember how he got out of Turkey, but I think a businessman he was acquainted with paid for his trip to California, that's where Santa Monica comes in, because he walked from there back to Texas. Pretty sure he's still alive, too, but he's got to be ninety-something.

[ Eddie boggles at him for a moment before grinning and shaking her head like she's impressed. ]

That's literally the most insane thing I've ever heard.

[ But it's getting her thinking; can she incorporate that into a campaign somehow? Maybe a cleric who's sworn an oath or someone caught in an enchantment... She wrenches her attention back to the matter at hand. ]

Can you do a hand stand?

Yeah? I mean I think so. [It's been ages since he's tried, but he remembers being pretty good at it, at least the balancing part] Can't do a hand-walk though, if that's going to be your next suggestion.

Ugh, Chris. How else will you be able to top walking backwards? Hand-walking is way cooler! If you walked across the country on your hands you'd absolutely be famous in no time.

[ She smacks him with the back of her hand, chuckling as she finishes her current beer, then visibly debates getting another. She probably shouldn't, though, not if Chris isn't drinking either. It would be weird, right, if she got herself back to puking-level of drunkenness with the school's golden boy sitting beside her, sober as a judge?

God, what if she says something really fucking embarrassing. She's almost guaranteed to, it's just in her nature. She needs to get it together. ]

[He snorts a laugh, shaking his head] Dee, we're not in the Great Depression anymore, we have other forms of entertainment, and don't get me wrong, some people would absolutely come check it out just to see what the fuck was going on, but like... He was selling signed postcards and stuff, I can't do that if I'm walking on my hands.

[He can't actually see that decision being made, partly because he's now trying to figure out how someone could hand-walk more than a few yards without all the blood going to their head and causing them to pass out.]

Learn to write with your feet. [ The duh is implied by her tone alone, but there's still a grin tugging at the edge of her mouth. ] People do it all the time.

[ Chris can take all the time he wants to figure out the mechanics of not getting a head-rush, Eddie's going to let herself wallow for a moment in how much she likes it when he calls her Dee. It's pathetic, probably, but he's the only person she knows who does it and it feels really nice. Special. Like she's not just some weird blip on his social radar, like they're friends. Friends have special names for each other, right? Nicknames nobody else can use?

Yeah, that's just a friend thing. Nothing to see here, folks! ]

I... don't think that's going to be a solution, actually. Also, like, I'd need some kind of walking gloves, like... hand-shoes and I don't think that's something that actually exists.

[She's probably going to be disappointed when she finds out that he calls her that because the first time he heard someone call her by name he thought they'd said 'Deedee' and hadn't questioned it until he actually knew her.]

Seriously though, I'm not built for that kind of marathon, I'm a sprinter, real fast in short bursts.

This kind of defeatist attitude isn't going to get you anywhere in life, [ she teases, jostling her elbow into his as Chris tries yet again to come up with a reason her excellent ideas won't work. ] If there aren't any hand-shoes out on the market, you should just invent some. There's going to be people out there who'll use them, I guarantee it. [ Maybe not that many of them, but they definitely exist. They have to. There's a market for everything.

And he's right, that would be disappointing. She's going to stick to her delusions that he decided to call her that because he thinks she's special or something. ]

Yeah, I bet you're real fast in shorts. [ Because he wears them to run in. Get it? ]

Hey now, that defeatist attitude got me second runner-up in the Hawkins Junior Sad-Sack competition back in fourth grade. [The fact that he's practically shaking with suppressed laughter gives that away as the horrible joke that it is.

That second statement, though, that has him pausing for a moment, considering] You know, you can come watch practice any time, there's no rules against that. And there's a meet coming up, home turf advantage. [He bites the inside of his cheek for a moment, not entirely sure why he's suddenly nervous, this isn't anything new, it's just inviting a friend to watch him compete.] I'm sure you've seen the posters, though, they've been up for weeks now.

[ Eddie's laughing too, crowing Sad Sack! with glee as she wiggles a little, slipping from her place on the couch to slide a little closer to him. It's not her fault the cushions are old and kind of shitty, okay, she doesn't notice what she's doing.

Or does she? ]

That's not really what it's called, is it? [ Eddie moved to Hawkins in junior-high, not-quite twelve years old and absolutely terrified of being dropped in a new city to live with a man she she didn't really know but who shared her father's face. It worked out in the end, obviously, but the first year or so was a difficult adjustment. She certainly hadn't paid attention to what any of the sports teams were doing.

She rolls her head a little on the back of the couch so she can look at Chris in profile, her eyebrows lifting. ] I wouldn't distract you? [ Not that she thinks he's so taken with her that just seeing her in the bleachers would be enough to get him off his game — a girl can hope but she's not delusional — but she knows her presence would probably cause a bit of a commotion with the others in attendance. She knows she's not usually a part of that scene. ]

[His laugh finally breaks through at that first question, shaking his head] Dee, I made that one up, defeatist attitude? Sad-sack competition? How else would you win one of those?"

[He shakes his head then, jostling her shoulder once more] Of course you wouldn't, I'm used to being watched. [He clearly has no idea how sinister that comes across as and his brow creases a moment later] Unless you're planning on starting a fistfight or something. [He doesn't actually think that's her style, but he also doesn't know just how deep some people's dislike of her went, if someone else might try to cause a scene just because of her being there.]

[ Chris laughs at her and she squawks, outraged. ] Fuck off! How was I supposed to know whether or not that was a real thing? [ She shoves him to really sell her indignation, but it's probably pretty obvious that she's mostly pretending. Chris doesn't really laugh out loud at school, sticking to quiet chuckles and smiles and shit, and it's nice. She barely even minds that he's laughing at her.

Once again, she has to bite back an inappropriate comment about an audience; Chris literally just finished telling her that he considers seminary school a punishment his parents would consider, he does not put on a show for anyone.

Keep it in your fucking pants, Munson. ]

I might, [ she threatens darkly, though again, she's just talking shit. ] If someone trips you I promise I'll start throwing hands.

Yeah, you're definitely a little drunk, you would have caught on way quicker otherwise. Wordplay, you know? [One of the things she's good at that he's always been a little envious of, at least, for as long as he's known she's good at it.]

You know what? [He's clearly not expecting an answer, since he just continues, brow still creased] That's actually the nicest thing anyone's offered to do for me.

Nah. [ Eddie waves a dismissive hand, still half-slumped into Chris' personal space. It's partly that she is a little drunk and doesn't want to bother moving, but it's also that he smells nice and she doesn't want to bother moving. Chris is just nice in general. She's probably taking advantage of him. ] I'm on track to fail senior year a third time. I ain't catching shit.

[ He's probably joking, but Eddie can't help but feel a little stricken at that flippant comment of his. What the hell is that supposed to mean? It makes no sense. Chris is everything an American teenager is supposed to be. Polite, good-looking, athletic... People have to be doing nice things for him all the time, right? That's like a law of the universe or something.

She scoffs, though her heart's not in it. ] You gotta raise your standards, babe.

[He probably should mind having her that far into his personal space, but he really doesn't and can't make himself be bothered by it, either.] I probably do, yeah, but I mean it. Even Jason never offered to beat anybody up for cheating and I'm pretty sure that actually goes against some kind of best friend code.

[He shrugs, a little exaggerated, but not by much, the narrowness of his shoulders does most of the work] I never offered either, but basketball refs actually pay attention, and anyway I'm a lover, not a fighter.

[ It does go against Eddie's personal Best Friend Code™, but even though she's more than tipsy, she manages to bite her tongue about it. Chris' friendship with Jason is a well-known longstanding thing. A town as small as theirs, the two of them both being as athletic as they are, everyone knows way too many details about them. Eddie knows they've been friends far longer than she's been viewed as the local Satanist, so maybe they have an understanding that she just doesn't get. ]

I'll be your new best friend, Chrissy, [ she offers, then immediately snorts out a laugh as she shakes her head. ] Sorry. That sounded better in my head.

[ So distracted by her weird word-vomit, she barely registers the wide-open playing field of "I'm a lover, not a fighter." All she does is just elbow him and giggle some more. ]

[He looks mostly confused by the nickname, it's a new one after all, but also just a little bit completely delighted] Chrissy? Seriously? That's... um, actually I think that's the first time anyone's called me that, too, while we're on firsts. Not even my brother when he was learning to talk.

[Though that at least is mostly because Laura would never have allowed such a thing to happen.]

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Sorry for the delay, things have been BUSY AS HELL but seem to be settling down

no worries! glad things are getting easier!

lol should have known better than to say anything, been battling a cold for the past few days