open post

[polemical]

open post.
you know the drill.

Comments

[polemical]

no.

[pinch_hitter]

Uh

YES

[Take that!]

[polemical]

no.

look. do you want my help or not?

[pinch_hitter]

Unfortunately you're like the only person I know. Jesse gave me a tour and then ghosted me and I'm a little worried about how good his hair looks. This is Outbreak, right? Even here.

[polemical]

yeah, it's unnatural.

[ She resists making a dig about Steve's hair, even though it takes herculean effort to hold herself back. You're fucking welcome, dude. ]

you ever seen tommy miller up close? that bastard has a tub of hair gel squirreled away somewhere, i'm telling you.

[pinch_hitter]

I think he uses some horse stuff.

[Again: scared of the man.]

[polemical]

it's possible. he does love horses. maybe that's why it's so glossy, too.

[ They stare at Tommy Miller for vastly different reasons. ]

[pinch_hitter]

It's intense.

Wait you've noticed that it's glossy?

[polemical]

anyone who even looks at him in a single anemic beam of sunlight can tell that it's glossy, dude.

[pinch_hitter]

Omg you're hot for him.

[ANEMIC. Yeah. There were still poetry books in the QZ, Munson, and they sucked as much as your 'anemic beam of sunglight' sucks.]

[polemical]

[ Stop booing her, she's right! ]

yeah that's not a secret. joel knows already. i'm pretty sure tommy does too he's just been too nice to say anything to me and i'm terrified of his wife.

[ There's no way Eddie would have been able to hide a crush for any length of time, she's an open book at all times. Much to her chagrin. So she'd 'fessed up about her humiliating crush and now she's just owning it. It's fine. ]

[pinch_hitter]

[Yeah just like Steve and Joel but HE got raked over the coals for it!]

He's like.

A hundred years older than you.

[polemical]

i know, i know, he's older than my dad would be if he was here. i'm not going to do anything about it, obviously, he's married with a baby on the way.

he's still hot, though.

[pinch_hitter]

He's not hot, he's scary. Total difference.

WAIT is this why you're friends with Joel? Because you want in with the brother? Holy shit, Munson. You're devious.

[polemical]

he's totally hot. and scary too, sure. but who isn't in this day and age?

that is absolutely not why i am friends with joel, joel is friends with ME because i'm cool and funny and incredibly interesting. and i do not want in with his brother because his bother is MARRIED with a BABY on the way.

i may be many things but a homewrecker is not one of them.

[pinch_hitter]

But you just called yourself cool and funny and incredible interesting so

clearly delusional.

[polemical]

i never said i wasn't delusional. i'm just not a homewrecker. i have some standards, thanks.

[pinch_hitter]

There are goddamn infected out there and stealing a dude is your line?

I mean.

I guess I'm impressed.

[polemical]

don't sound so fucking surprised, shit.

[ All jokes aside, yes. That is her line. Tommy and Maria are happy, okay, or at least they seem happy to the outside observer. She's not going to even think about fucking that up. Not even to fantasize about it. Tommy's very nice to look at, but he's scary (Steve's right) and his wife is even scarier. Eddie's okay with just looking from afar. ]

[pinch_hitter]

[Eddie Munson shouldn't have lines like that. Literally no one should. Steve's mom didn't and it kept them fed.

It also felt fucking terrible.]

No worries. I'll find some Hoof & Tail and get all the studs shinning to save you some pain if you make that bat for me.

[polemical]

wait a minute, now i'm making it FOR you? i thought i was helping you make it yourself!

[pinch_hitter]

Uh I mean YOU told ME that I didn't know my way around a lathe.

[polemical]

which is true but there's no way to learn without doing it, so.

[pinch_hitter]

Look I'm not an idiot but I also need a usable bat.

[polemical]

okay so you can help me make one. then the next time you lose yours or whatever you can do it yourself.

teach a man to fish, and all that.