open post

[polemical]

open post.
you know the drill.

Comments

[pinch_hitter]

WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING IN TONGUES

[polemical]

i'm making another dick joke, don't mind me.

[ Is it tempting to make fun of Steve? Of course it is. And she's not good at resisting temptation. But despite what he says, she's not actually mean, and Steve's still new in town and he's had a rough go of it lately.

She's been recuperating in warmth and safety for months. She can afford to be kind. Ish. ]

i can't help with bullets and shit, you gotta talk to maria miller about getting on patrol duty and they'll make you pass a test first, but the baseball bat i can probably swing. metaphorically. i've never swung an actual bat in my life.

[ Random pieces of wood or pipe? Yes. An actual baseball bat? No. ]

[pinch_hitter]

Thanks for clarifying nothing but your own sick mind, Munson.

Munitions isn't just bullets. It's like... equipment and stuff. Weapons. Storage.

You'll have to do more than metaphorically swing it. It's gotta be weighted and shit. You think Byers and I got here by luck? No. It was a baseball bat.

[polemical]

you're just an easy target, harrington.

alright sun tzu slow your roll i was trying to be nice. fine. my point still stands, though, you gotta pass a physical and shit before you're put on patrol. but that can be dealt with later after we get you your incredibly specific piece of wood.

jeez. you're worse than my uncle ever was about this shit.

[pinch_hitter]

Obviously I'm not an easy target or I wouldn't have made it this far.

Second how the hell did I end up in the same town as you.

Also who said I wanted to patrol?

And what, your uncle liked baseball?

[polemical]

jesus christ, we get it, you're very tough and heroic. nobody's disputing that. relax.

don't ask me that, you're the one who followed me here. i found jackson first.

forgive me for my incredibly obvious assumption.

yes. and that's all i'm going to say on the matter so it's time to change the subject.

[pinch_hitter]

You need to loosen up. Jeez.

[polemical]

no.

[pinch_hitter]

Uh

YES

[Take that!]

[polemical]

no.

look. do you want my help or not?

[pinch_hitter]

Unfortunately you're like the only person I know. Jesse gave me a tour and then ghosted me and I'm a little worried about how good his hair looks. This is Outbreak, right? Even here.

[polemical]

yeah, it's unnatural.

[ She resists making a dig about Steve's hair, even though it takes herculean effort to hold herself back. You're fucking welcome, dude. ]

you ever seen tommy miller up close? that bastard has a tub of hair gel squirreled away somewhere, i'm telling you.

[pinch_hitter]

I think he uses some horse stuff.

[Again: scared of the man.]

[polemical]

it's possible. he does love horses. maybe that's why it's so glossy, too.

[ They stare at Tommy Miller for vastly different reasons. ]

[pinch_hitter]

It's intense.

Wait you've noticed that it's glossy?

[polemical]

anyone who even looks at him in a single anemic beam of sunlight can tell that it's glossy, dude.

[pinch_hitter]

Omg you're hot for him.

[ANEMIC. Yeah. There were still poetry books in the QZ, Munson, and they sucked as much as your 'anemic beam of sunglight' sucks.]

[polemical]

[ Stop booing her, she's right! ]

yeah that's not a secret. joel knows already. i'm pretty sure tommy does too he's just been too nice to say anything to me and i'm terrified of his wife.

[ There's no way Eddie would have been able to hide a crush for any length of time, she's an open book at all times. Much to her chagrin. So she'd 'fessed up about her humiliating crush and now she's just owning it. It's fine. ]

[pinch_hitter]

[Yeah just like Steve and Joel but HE got raked over the coals for it!]

He's like.

A hundred years older than you.

[polemical]

i know, i know, he's older than my dad would be if he was here. i'm not going to do anything about it, obviously, he's married with a baby on the way.

he's still hot, though.

[pinch_hitter]

He's not hot, he's scary. Total difference.

WAIT is this why you're friends with Joel? Because you want in with the brother? Holy shit, Munson. You're devious.

[polemical]

he's totally hot. and scary too, sure. but who isn't in this day and age?

that is absolutely not why i am friends with joel, joel is friends with ME because i'm cool and funny and incredibly interesting. and i do not want in with his brother because his bother is MARRIED with a BABY on the way.

i may be many things but a homewrecker is not one of them.

[pinch_hitter]

But you just called yourself cool and funny and incredible interesting so

clearly delusional.

[polemical]

i never said i wasn't delusional. i'm just not a homewrecker. i have some standards, thanks.

[pinch_hitter]

There are goddamn infected out there and stealing a dude is your line?

I mean.

I guess I'm impressed.